I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
