Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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