so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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