My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
