you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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