Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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