If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
