yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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