What did we do last night that was yellow?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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