i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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