We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
