is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
