I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
