I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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