I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
