Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She bit a glass in half.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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