I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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