I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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