these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
