No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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