i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
