Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
