I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
