Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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