is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
