That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
