I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
