just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize