There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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