my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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