god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
