Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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