Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
