Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
