Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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