I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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