So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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