dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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