Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can I color on your dick again?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
