the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
