It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
