He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
