I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
