porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize