My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My balls are so social today.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize