I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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