Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
