There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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