I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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