It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
