Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
