I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
