Ambien. No doubt about it.
one might say we're banned from that church
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
As shirtless as possible
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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