If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He shit in the fireplace
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
