i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My life is pants optional.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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