You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
