he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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