I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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