Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
