Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize