Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
