We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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