a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
