Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize