i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Everything about him screamed your future.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
