This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
