you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
