i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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