We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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