I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
