just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
