Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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