Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
